So, Will helped me fix my car last week. He’s been the one with the tools for almost as long as I can remember. He’s my Guy when it comes to almost anything mechanical. We have done all kinds of repairs together on many cars, in the 15 years that we’ve been adults.
A couple weeks ago the thermostat went on the Charger. I called my brother, and he confirmed everything I was thinking, and we defined when we were going to work on it, and what needed to be done. I also just rolled 150,000 miles on Mr Zeus, and the timing belt hadn’t been done (as far as I know), we decided to make a Saturday of it. The final list of things replaced (after three days and ~50 hours of labor): the thermostat, the timing belt, the water pump, and the idler pulley (which was a victim of an unfortunate accident involving a belt wrench and about 90 ft pounds of tork).
As people have heard about me working on my car, there’s been a variety of reactions, but a stunning majority of them have been in the oh-why-didn’t-you-call-me/my son/my brother/my father-to-do-the-work-for-you to holy-crap-you-are-the-most-amazing-person-ever-I-am-so-impressed family. While I’ve taken all of these compliments as they were intended, they’re troubling me. A whole lot.
And I’ll tell you why.
The intention is kind, but I think society’s expectations of women are far too low if me “working on my car” elicits this much compliment. Just because I can follow a set of directions and turn a wrench doesn’t make me a genius, and it shouldn’t make me that unique. It makes it clear that I’m unwilling to say “Oh, I can’t do that because of $ReasonICannotFathom.” Do I *like* working on cars? No. I also don’t like doing laundry, or the dishes. That doesn’t mean I *can’t*, or that it’s any more or less impressive when I do.
Too, there are TONS of mechanics out there that have next to no clue what they’re doing, and cost people all kinds of unnecessary expense due to their incompetence but are trusted more highly because they wear overalls.
To be clear, I am also no *less* impressed by any women (or man) that CHOOSES to NOT work on cars (or do the laundry or dishes). Or who don’t do it because they suck at it. I suck at all kinds of things. If I feel something is worth the investment of effort, I put the time into learning it. (linux, for example) IF you decide that car repair is not something you have any interest in learning, then don’t learn it.
I can do anything I need to. That includes working on cars. You can too, with practice.
2 replies on “Breaking stereotypes: my form of feminism.”
Society is used to women being tended to by men. Women and Men are both preconditioned to gender roles. Some women have no trouble perpetuating such stereotype and think nothing of it. Some other women refuse to perpetuate such stereotype(s) and do something about it (like roll up their sleeves and work on their cars). Some men also have no trouble perpetuating stereotypes that “make them men.” Some other men have been breaking away from those stereotypes.
Point I am making is that those who chose to adhere to stereotypes will treat those that do not adhere to stereotypes without recognizing the difference. Why bother changing them? If this is how they chose to judge/evaluate others – that’s on them.
Just my two Kazakhstan tenge worth…
P.S. I look stunningly good in overalls! Do not judge me!
I think I need to clarify: Anyone is allowed to think I’m awesome for working on a car (or doing laundry), as long as you don’t think I’m awesome because I did $THING and I’m a *woman*.
I think Jerry is awesome because he cooks me amazing food all the time. I think Jerry is awesome because he is a weight-lifting MACHINE. I think Ani is awesome because she is a fantastic mom. I think Ani is awesome because SHE is a weight-lifting machine.
All of that is completely removed from their gender.
You are right: I don’t get to decide how people act, or approach their own lives.
However, I *do* get to decide how I feel about how those same people react to me and my actions. I *do* get to share how I feel about those things on the internet. We have to learn from each other, but I don’t expect anyone to change what they like to do, but I would hope that they’d at least allow themselves a chance to experience something outside their stereotype, and help their sons and daughters to do the same.